I love Lincoln's Birthday!

Okay, so I'm a bit pushy but come on folks... I've waited long enough. Here is the story. When Clay got called on Monday with his analysis results, the Dr.'s office mentioned Dr. Jarrett was also coming to town on Feb 12th (Lincoln's Birthday people) and I may want to try to get in then. I called Dr. Dutta's office this morning and talked to the wonderfully helpful and always pleasant nurse Stacey. She thought it was originally supposed to be in place of the March 11th but it looked like it was in addition to. She said it wouldn't hurt at all to call over and see about getting it moved. So I did.....

Mrs C. (I know her real name but I will not use it since she is not as joyful to work with as Stacey) answered the phone. I fumbled for the words to explain why I was calling and it went downhill from there. She must be having a bad day. She complained "I wish they wouldn't do that! It's too hard to schedule. I'm already trying to reschedule today's appointments... did you send in your paperwork...yada yada, yada." I wanted to yell, "Look lady, it's not a big deal. Either you can or you can't so quit complaining" but secretly I had my eyes closed and my fingers crossed. It would be almost a whole MONTH earlier and although I'm not expecting any answers or meds from the "consultation" at least its one more step in the right direction.

Finally she says, "1pm" and I say "That works." So folks, I am now taking the next step at 1pm on Thursday February 12th! Happy Birthday Mr. Lincoln! Happy Consultation Day Kim Brockman!

Now grumpy Mrs. C muttered I may have to wait under her breath but that won't rain on my parade at all. I don't care. I was shaking when I hung up the phone. I was excited, scared, and wanted to kick Mrs. C all while smiling and jumping around. I hope I didn't get my girl Stacey in trouble and I hope it all works out. Now its time to update some counters, tickers, widgets, and whatnots....15 days people..15 days!!!

Playing around with tickers

Call them tickers, widgets, or gadgets, but I just can't seem to find one I like. This one would be good if it didn't look like I was already at the end of the pencil. Hmm... do they base all the tickers on a length of time like 1 year and then when you are as close to the event as I am then it just looks right around the corner?

I didn't replace the countdown on the right hand side because I'm not sure what I want yet. I did realize the one on the right is somehow wrong already. That happened with my Christmas countdown too. It was like 2 or 3 days off. Oh well, guess we are all a little off in some way ;o)

Oh wait, I get it... after another look at the pencil...it's based on 6 months. Maybe I'll look for something on the ticker factory that counts down the days. I like that better. Maybe I'll even have fewer days to countdown if I can get in to see the doctor on Feb 12th instead of March 11th.

At least one of us is "normal"

We got Clay's test results back from his semen analysis today and all was "normal and within expected ranges" according to what Clay said the nurse told him. I was getting a bit impatient so I called the Champaign office to verify they got my paperwork and ask about the test results. Then no more than 5 minutes later, Clay called and let me know the nurse had given him the results. Now the difference between my husband and I.... I would have asked about 10 more questions and for a copy of the results to be faxed, but Clay was just happy with the results and I am too. We now know at least one of us is fertile. The other (me) just needs a little push.

Clay also said the nurse told him Dr. Jarrett was going to be coming to town in February on the 12th so I should be able to get in early and not have to wait till March. That would be outstanding so keep your fingers crossed I can move my appointment and start my next step a bit earlier.

"Live a Little, Laugh a Lot"

So Thursday afternoon at work, Mel and I went to a presentation as part of our company's "LIVE WELL, WORK WELL" program. It was a presentation from Barb Bancroft, RN, MSN, PNP. She is an award-winning speaker and holds informative and humorous seminars on health and disease prevention. Long story short, her most recent book is entitled "Live a Little, Laugh a Lot." I picked up a small pamphlet on her and the book as we left the enjoyable presentation. I read the pamphlet this morning and wanted to share part of it. A few excerpts from the book are given and I will be sharing one of those.

Hysterical Highlight "In 1873, Edward H Clarke, an esteemed Harvard physician claimed to have discovered the reason for 'female sterility.' The cause, he wrote, was the education of women, which diverted energy from the reproductive machinery to the brain, resulting in women with 'monstrous brains and puny bodies."


So disregarding the confusion on whether or not he was sexist by today's standards implying that only uneducated women can remain fertile (although I don't think that was his intent and I don't think that serves a scientific benefit.)

Regardless...can I say then I am too smart? HA! Just kidding!!!

However, it makes me wonder what other theories have been proposed throughout the years. After all infertility is not new. Infertility has been around since the dawn of man. Maybe I'll have to look into that. I am sure there will be many interesting thoughts......

The task at hand

Tomorrow we make our first trip to Champaign and the fertility clinic. We will be going for Clay's analysis. It is a small step in the road to make sure we are only dealing with one set of infertility problems and not two. (Otherwise known as mine and not his.) So in honor of the task at hand tomorrow (yes I chose those words on purpose...), I thought I would do a short post about semen analysis and what they will be looking for.

According to WebMD, a typical semen analysis will analyze 8 factors. They include:
1. Volume: This is a measure of how much semen is present in one ejaculation.
2. Liquefaction time: Semen is a thick gel at the time of ejaculation and normally becomes liquid within 20 minutes after ejaculation. Liquefaction time is a measure of the time it takes for the semen to liquefy.
3. Sperm count: This is a count of the number of sperm present per milliliter (mL) of semen in one ejaculation.
4. Sperm morphology: This is a measure of the percentage of sperm that have a normal shape.
5. Sperm motility: This is a measure of the percentage of sperm that can move forward normally. The number of sperm that show normal forward movement in a certain amount of semen can also be measured (motile density).
6.pH: This is a measure of the acidity (low pH) or alkalinity (high pH) of the semen.
7. White blood cell count: White blood cells are not normally present in semen.
8. Fructose level: This is a measure of the amount of a sugar called fructose in the semen. The fructose provides energy for the sperm.

I could continue to post and share the "normal" or "expected" levels, but I think I will wait until we get the results back, which I am hoping to have by the end of next week.

I've been doing some other reading on the topic too. I am also doing some "research" tomorrow during our trip. Examining the materials and supplies available. I don't think I'm going back in the room with Clay but I will give him the responsibility to do some research in that back room, so I can report back to the interested parties.

Here's to not missing the cup!

What everyone says....

Quotes from an actual email conversation held with a friend a few weeks ago....

Me: "I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes too high for anything to really happen. I need mentally prepare myself just for waiting until March 11th when I go to the doctor but its hard sometimes…"

Friend: "Well just think of it like this…If it happens on its own before then well great, if not then you have a back up plan. It will happen, the man above works in crazy ways. I know how hard it is not to get excited and worked up. It will all fall into place. I know you want to slap me right now because everyone says that."

Not that I would ever really smack this friend but she gets it ;o)

UPs, Downs, and Paperwork Mounds

You may or may not notice that some of the blog entries are mysteriously out of order. Well some entries were started as "drafts" at various times over the past two weeks. Others were published. However, if I publish something that started as a draft, it publishes based on the date the draft was saved so it may appear out of order. Just a note to explore a bit and catch all the new entries if you want.....

The out of order posting is sort of like my mind and heart right now. It starts one thought only to "Save" it and "put it on hold" and start something else. I swear I have Attention Deficit Disorder at times. One minute I am up and in a very peaceful place, patiently waiting for my appointment on March 11th to begin and the next I am down and impatiently wishing it were here and gone because it's just a stupid consultation and he (the Dr) won't be able to do anything right away.

In the mean time, I received a packet of paperwork for my consultation, hence the reference to the Paperwork mounds in the title. It was at least 12 pages front and back of questions pertaining to me and my "male partner" as he is medically referred to. Then there are the loose sheets too with the PHI permission on who can have access to my medical records, the insurance information with a copy of all related insurance cards, and some sheet that I have no idea how to fill out. I mailed it all back today (Jan 20th) so I guess officially the "infertility" treatment has begun. Not sure I like the word "infertility" so maybe we can say "reproductively challenged" or something else... any ideas?

I have tried to also find a counter to put on here for my March 11th appointment but I can't find any that work properly. I wish I could just build my own with HTML but I'm not that smart.

So, I have many many more thoughts to get out of my spaghetti brian but the thoughts wear me out at times so I am going to take a break.... until later....

Can you take Prozac if you are trying to conceive?

Anybody have any Prozac? I am in desperate need of some sort of pick me up today. I don't know if it is the weather, the fact that it's Monday morning and its supposed to snow more so its a bit melancholy outside, or the fact that my BBT (basal body temp) is back down to 97.45 and the "elevation" that I thought I saw this weekend was just a fluke. Hell, maybe it's a combination of everything all together. I am so crabby/emotional this morning that I almost cried three times while getting my breakfast together. It didn't help that Clay was also crabby and everything I said seemed to be wrong (at least my perception of his reaction was wrong). So can you take Prozac when TTC? If so, sign me up. I'm tired of the blues. Last week and most of the weekend I thought I was in a good place. I was happy. I was having fun. However, now I'm just BLAH. I want to go back to bed and stay there all day and night. I don't want to work. I don't want to be in anything else buy my pjs and under some blankets. Such is life today. One thought just leads to another. I'll put some of my other thoughts in a different post... maybe later...

To be a MOM....

Found this poem on a blog and liked it. Of course I cried....


A baby asked God,‘They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow,
but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?’
God said, ‘Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.’
The child further inquired, ‘But tell me, here in heaven I don’t have
to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.’

God said, ‘Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you.
And you will feel your angel’s love and be very happy.’

Again the child asked, ‘And how am I going to be able to understand
when people talk to me if I don’t know the language?’

God said, ‘Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and
sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care,
your angel will teach you how to speak.’
‘And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?’
God said, ‘Your angel will place your hands together
and will teach you how to pray.’
‘Who will protect me?’
God said, ‘Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.’
‘But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.’
God said, ‘Your angel will always talk to you about Me
and will teach you the way to come back to Me,
even though I will always be next to you.’

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven,
but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked,
‘God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.’


God said, ‘You will simply call her, ‘Mom.’


(http://michaelandmarykate.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2008-09-22T20%3A52%3A00-05%3A00&max-results=7)

If I were "normal"

If I were normal today would be day 14 and I would be ovulating. That would be if I were the "normal" textbook case. So, where are the cramps? Where are the signs I read last month? Will my temperature elevate by the end of the week? Will it stay the same? Man, if I were normal I would have a 25% chance of getting pregnant each month. Those aren't bad odds, but I am anything but "normal." If I were normal, and had a shot every month to conceive it feels like it was just yesterday I had my period so the time to try is mere moments after the cycle and then if I were normal, my cycle would be mere moments from starting over again if I weren't pregnant.... (Okay that sentence rambled but I have a thought I can't express... maybe it's about perspective and how time goes so fast and if I were normal then waiting 14 days to ovulate is less than a blink of an eye after waiting an entire year...make sense? probably not but, oh well). I still have my fingers crossed and my hopes high that something will happen this week (or I'd even settle for next week), but where are the cramps?

Decisions to make

The past year was full of decisions I couldn't make. I wanted desperately to get pregnant but it was not my decision. Faced with PCOS and the lack of ovulation, I waited. Impatient at times but recently peacefully patient. Now is the time to file that infertility paperwork but I'm stalling. My Christmas miracle of a cycle has me in a pickle. Can I conceive on my own? Is it finally in the G-man's plan that I don't need medical interference? I called the doctor today for them to send in the referral for infertility treatments. They also want Clay to get tested. We will be calling them and setting up a time to do that in the next few weeks (pending how the temperatures go this week and next.) But I have to call the doctor back and let her know if I am ready to do the Clomid or if I want an immediate referral to Dr. Jarrett the reproductive endocrinologist. She indicated he would be more aggressive and hands on. But should I give my fighting body a chance now that it has finally stepped into the ring for the fight? I briefly talked to Clay. While we agreed to see what happens in January and see if I have another cycle on my own, (See what happens on my expected days 11, 13, 15, and 17 (well 16 and 18 since I'll be out of town on day 17) I am torn. The time is finally here. The time when the doctors can "make it happen" and I'm torn. I'm stalling. Wondering if I gave myself a month, two, maybe even three.... could I do it on my own naturally? Dr. Jarrett is only in town once every three months (it changed since they last told me he was in town every month but that is a different story.) DO I ask for the direct referral to him and then just make an appointment for March and take it one day at a time until then or do I do Clomid in February and hope the first round takes..... It seems like there is a pot full of decisions or possibilities at this point and it's almost overwhelming. On Scrubs, JD and Kim try to flip a coin when faced with an unexpected pregnancy. In the end they have to do what their hearts tell them. What is my heart saying? Right now it just wants to wait. To let the natural plan unfold. It will happen when it happens and I think its going to be soon. (At least I hope with every fiber of my body and my heart.) January will go super fast as I am sure February will too (after all its a short month). Maybe I will call tomorrow and just say I want the referral for Dr. Jarrett and make my appointment for March. I just am so uncertain about how to proceed even though I KNOW so clearly what I want.