My new fashion

My new ambition is to figure out how to be a "baby wearing momma." Some moms make it look so easy and it definitely has an appeal for convenience.

My first attempts this weekend were somewhat successful. We first tried the sling. I swear that it doesn't fit and it perplexes me. I saw the swing in TX (with my SIL) and we both liked it. I bought one and it appears to be a one size fits thing (which is weird but I triple checked and there is no mention of size anywhere on the box, manual, or site.) When I saw it in TX the lady wearing it was much bigger than me so I have no idea what's going on. I tend to blame the "girls" for getting in the way as it doesn't seem to lay correctly across the chest area.

We thought it was going to be successful as when we first put in Kenley she looked like this...
Yes she is up a little high but we moved her down in the sling and then tried to put it on... The scene quickly turned for the worse and this is what we got...
I will have to figure out this thing. My SIL has one too and gave me a few pointers to try. I will be sure to update on "take 2."

With the unsuccessful attempt abandoned we decided to try the carrier. We had a bit more success as the position for this carrier mirrors one of her favorite cuddle/sleeping positions that we have come to call "monkey baby" given she looks like a little monkey clinging on to our chest.
She took a nice nap hanging out in front of me. It will take some time and practice to get used to wearing a baby and trying to use both hands to accomplish anything but it was a successful first try. (Please disregard her little acne...poor thing! It bothers me a lot but people keep saying its completely normal and yes she pulled her hands through later but she likes to have her hands by her face when she sleeps.)

I may try to use one of these this week when home alone but we will have to see how things go. I'll be a baby wearing momma in no time.

Daddy's lap

Seems to be a popular place.... Miss Kenley doesn't mind sharing.

Growing Bigs!

We went to the doctor today for our 1 month Well-baby check-up.

Here are our stats:
Weight: 10lbs 6 ounces (We've been gaining about 1.5 ounces a day)
Length: 22.25 inches (long long legs)
Head: 14.5 inches

Our weight and our length are both in the 75th percentile and our weight to length ratio is normal. Our head is in the 50th percentile so right in the middle, not a big head or a little one. Right on!

Clay and I had a ton of "first time parent" questions but Dr. Kane handles them all in stride and makes us feel better about it all. She is definitely a great doctor and we are pleased with our decision to use her.

We need to call our insurance carrier to make sure vaccines are covered because the next time we go for our 2 month check-up (which happens to be scheduled for the afternoon of my 30th birthday) we will be getting shots. OUCH!

Until then we will hang out at home with the occasional field trip and keep on growing bigs!

Good or Bad?

Here we are sleeping on the couch and cuddling this morning and here is the story behind it...

We gave her a bottle and then she cuddled with Clay for a bit while he watched the State of the Union address. After that we gave her a bath and put on her PJs. She was content (GOOD) so I had some cuddle time for a few minutes the it was time to eat. She didn't eat super long but she never does at night as she tends to cluster eat before bed (eating often but in short bursts).

Then she remained content (GOOD) and we rocked a bit. This was between 10 and 1030pm. About 11 or a little after she wanted to eat again so we did (GOOD). Then she did fall asleep around 1145ish (GOOD). I was very pleased with how the night was going. I rock her a few minutes past the time I think she is asleep with her little eyes staying closed. I then put her in her bed and headed to bed myself (GOOD). However within 10 minutes she was fussy again so I went to check on her and she was wide awake (BAD). I picked her up and we rocked some more. Within I swear 2 minutes she was asleep again (GOOD) but alas when I laid her back down she woke up (BAD). We repeated this asleep/awake pattern a few times and before I knew it, it was 1230. I thought she was finally asleep again (this time with a pacifier to keep her distracted.) I put her down and made it back to bed (GOOD). However 15 minutes later...well we were awake again. Off to the living room to try the swing... and she was still fussy but would calm and close her eyes the SECOND I picked her up. So I gave in (or cooperated with her plan if you want to put a positive spin on it) and settled on the couch. She was OUT (GOOD) so I shimmed up against the pillows and propped my head with a blanket. Before I knew it I too was asleep (GOOD) but on the couch and not my bed (BAD). It was right around 1am.

I next woke up at almost 3 and she was still sound asleep (GOOD) but I was uncomfortable so I debated what to do. Taking the lazy option (BAD) I decided just to readjust on the couch and let the sleeping baby sleep (usually a GOOD). Next thing I knew... well it was 555am and she was just starting to wake up. WHAT?

She hadn't eaten since 11pm (so almost 6 am would be 7 hours... is that a GOOD or a BAD?) We had been sleeping for 5 hours straight (I consider that a GOOD) but again it was on the couch and needing to be held (I consider that a BAD). We got up and changed her diaper which I swear was DRY (but poopy). I don't know how that could be possible but whatever I won't worry now.
She ate and then took her morning siesta (as did I.)

Now I have had 7 hours of sleep (darn right GREAT) and I'm left her wondering why she needed to be held to sleep last night and what I can try differently so I don't end up sleeping on the couch full-time.

So I can't decide if last night was a GOOD night or a BAD one. With those facts, what do you think? Good, Bad, or perhaps a bit of both?

Either way, I'll take it. I think the good outweighs the bad of needing to be held.

One Month

It is so hard to believe that our little girl came one month ago today. ONE MONTH! Really? It seems like yesterday in some aspects but like an eternity in others. It's so hard to explain.

We don't go to the doctor for our 1 month check up until Friday so we will have our "stats" then but for now I do know this:

• We (okay she) is growing like a weed. I estimate she is close (if not over) 10lbs now. I'm curious to see what the scale says on Friday.
  
• She wears 0-3 month clothes and is quickly filling them out especially the length. She has long long legs like her daddy.
  
• We changed to size 1 diapers earlier this week. We probably could have done it sooner but I was leery since they looked so big. However the newborn ones were looking super tight on the chunky thighs.
  
• She is up to 3 fat rolls on each leg. The first and biggest one is so cute. This is the age it's cute to have fat thighs I guess.
  
• She has done much better with the recent baths. We made the water a little warmer than recommended. She must like warm water like her mom.
  
• There are good sleep nights and there are bad ones. While I prefer the good ones obviously, I try my hardest not to get frustrated with the bad ones. I have lots of wonderful readers to give me encouragement that the frustrations will soon be forgotten.
  
• She has accepted the pacifier a few times. She isn't quite sure about it (and truthfully neither am I) but we will continue to try occasionally to see what happens. Here is what we look like when we get the hang of it. Looks so big on her little face.
• 
• We have made a few field trips out. We went to visit Tori one afternoon and then went to see my work friends yesterday. Other than that and the doctor's visits, we have hibernated inside where it is warm and dry (aka NO SNOW).
• She seems not to like to poo. When she is working a good one out, she gets very fussy and very red. This is one of the few times (other than diaper changes) that you will hear her work her lungs. She can really wail until you feel the vibrations blow out the bottom.
  
• Diaper changes (as mentioned above) are not her favorite. You would think no one would like to sit in their own poo and pee but she doesn't seem to mind. Huh?
• She doesn't usually cry to wake us up when she is hungry ready to eat. Instead she will do what my mom termed "the whimper." It's a few small grunts here and there with a little whimper mixed in. I get up to go check on her and often she is still sleeping but then 20 min later when she starts again and I check, her eyes are wide open and she's ready to eat.
• Within the past few days, we have developed baby acne and it drives me nuts. I know the poor girl will have to fight with her skin her whole life I don't want it to start this early. However I also know that baby acne is normal. We will be asking the doctor on Friday what we should do to help prevent it. It seems to be spreading and it bothers me.
  
• She still gets the hiccups a lot. Again they supposedly don't bother her but they drive me nuts. They drive me the most nuts given they usually come right as she falls asleep during her late or overnight feedings and then they wake her back up. She will have them for what feels like an ETERNITY but really is 20-25 minutes (which still is a long time) and then finally they will disappear as quickly as they came. It seems she likes to try to eat when she has them which makes the sound even better.
  

In another big step, we gave her her first bottle tonight. (Yes it was the aforementioned rematch between the Brockmans and the bottle and why does it look so funny to say her her in a row like that?) Here are a few pictures to document the process.
She wasn't quite sure at first as you can see. I thought this was a funny picture. But eventually she settled in...
And daddy really enjoyed it. He said it was fun. He said she was a good "sucker" and I told him I already knew that ;o) Here is a picture of daddy and Kenley bonding.
We won't do too many bottles. Just 1 or 2 a week to keep "bottle practice." Daddy will enjoy the time and mommy will too (even though I pumped tonight while she ate. ) Maybe we can have a grandma come and babysit so we can go to dinner or a movie. That may be fun!

So that recaps a bit of our month. Life with a 1 month old keeps us on our toes! She has grown so much and I can't imaging how fast she will continue to grow this next month.

So in closing, here is a little comparison of how our Little Bean is growing from birth
to now at 1 month old ;o)
Now bring on Month 2!!!

Bottle Boo Boo

Okay so we were going to give Kenley her first bottle yesterday. I had pumped about 3 1/2 ounces. I decided to use on of the Playtex Ventaire bottles. I got it out of the cabinet and got it "ready" or so I thought.

I have 2 different Ventaire bottles and apparently (unknown to me) I had the wrong pieces with the wrong bottle so the bottle I was about to poor the milk in and place in the bottle warmer would be leaking. OOPS!

We had some milk boiling in the bottle warmer with the water we used so it had to be cleaned and I had to be assured we could put the milk back in the fridge and try again today. I washed all the bottles and called it a night.

Bottles are a bit more high tech these days. Different nipples and flow features. Different shapes, sizes and brands. It's a bit confusing to a first time parent. So, the next time Miss Kenley wakes up tonight, we will try round two, hoping to even the score with the bottle and bottle warmer.

Clay will be giving her the bottle and I know he is a bit nervous, wondering how to tell if it's the right temp, how to hold her, how to make sure he is doing it "right." We both are wondering how she will do and hoping that she will eat like a big girl for daddy but yet still eat good the next time mommy feeds her naturally.

Keep your fingers crossed ladies and gents, we're off on our next parenting adventure... BOTTLE Time!

Do you hear what I hear?

That seemed to be what Kenley was asking... "Mommy, do you hear what I hear?"To which I answered, "Yes, Daddy is running the vacuum. What are you going to do?"This is what she did...
Just kept on sleeping. That's our girl ;o)

Guilt

I'm not quite sure how to say this but it has been bouncing around my head since this morning. I don't want this post to be a downer so please don't get me wrong....

Why do new moms (or maybe just all moms) feel guilty at times?

I felt guilty last night getting frustrated with Kenley when she wouldn't go back to sleep. Actually she just wouldn't go to sleep at all. She had a fussy day and then her normal fussy time from 8-11 turned into 9-almost 1am. She wouldn't eat and she wouldn't cuddle. All she would do is fuss. I'd try to feed her and she would claw at my chest. (Side note: those little fingernails are like burning knives when they hit your nipple too.. OUCH) I finally put her in the baby straight jacket, I mean Miracle Blanket and SHHH'd her to sleep. Only to have her sleep 5 hours (Yes I said 5 hours. She is a good sleeper if you get her down) and then feel guilty when I woke up that she should have eaten at some point in the last 5 hours. (No she didn't wake up or cry so I know she wasn't hungry but I still feel guilty.) I can't win. There is guilt both ways. Weird!

And that's not just it. I feel guilty for not holding her enough, not playing with her, putting her in her swing so I can pump, eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, or what not. Oh and then I feel guilty about the whole pumping thing. I haven't pumped in the past few days. I just don't want to. I feel guilty about that too. I have no way to explain why. I feed her, bathe her, change her, cuddle her, adore her and LOVE her but there is just still some guilt there. I know that I am doing the best I can and I know that I am a good mom but it's so weird that the guilt (or maybe it's just uncertainty) sneaks in at times.

Hopefully it will pass. I'll take the good days and the bad and try not to feel guilty about the bad ones.

Need a picture fix?

Okay so I am working on updating the Shutterfly site I started long ago. I am going to keep it updated with the pics that we have been taking. I will still use this blog the most to tell all the stories and post my crazy thoughts but it's really easy to share ALL the great pictures on the Shutterfly site.

We will however be keeping the Shutterfly site private (by invitation only) given it will have SO MANY pictures of Kenley on it.

If you read this blog, this is YOUR invitation to join the Shutterfly site. I just need your email address you use for your Shutterfly account if you have one (or the email address you will use when you create one.) So if you want to view the Shutterfly site, please leave your email address in the comments, email me, or send it to me on Facebook and I'll get everyone added.

Eventually we will add video and some additional tidbits to the Shutterfly, but we are just getting it started.

January 20th

Yesterday was January 20th. Why is that important you may ask? Well, it was supposed to be my due date. But instead of being in labor or wanting to be in labor, I actually was at home in my nice warm house with my 3 1/2 week old beautiful baby girl. Here she is all big and bright eyed yesterday.
She is chunking right on up. I love the fat rolls on her thighs and her double chin. Clay loves the chubby cheeks. I am so happy she came early (and healthy). It seems like she has been here forever, but its been less than 1 month. I can't believe how much she is growing. I know there will be many more changes to come, so I am just enjoying every little minute and these tiny little toes.

Brrr... It's cold in here

Okay so this is new for me. When I'm not strip nursing (see prior post) sitting on the vent in the nursery with the furnace going, I'm COLD. This is mostly at night. It is so strange for me. If you know me very well at all you know that I'm usually the hot (and yes sometimes sweaty) one. I've always been the one that warms up quickly under the covers in bed and usually ends up throwing them off or uncovering my feet by hanging them off the bed. I've never liked wearing socks or sweatshirts to bed. Usually wore a tank top and short or really light pants. Now it seems I've trading in the stack of pillows from pregnancy for a stack of blankets and I still can't get warm. I wear a sweatshirt and socks non-stop and still shiver and shake. WEIRD! I know it's probably the hormone changes so I wonder when I will be able to regulate my temp more.

And for those that really know me and THANKS to ABC Family for running a Bring-It-On-athon all weekend (Yes I'm a dork and like cheerleading movies and yes I know the underdog always wins and the girl always gets the boy...) I have the following cheer in my head everytime I get super cold. (YouTube disabled the embedding capabilities on the video I like the best. IF you watch it to hear the cheer you only have to listen to the first 30 secs to hear the cheer I have running through my head. )

Brr cheer video

Brr.. It's cold in here (at least I think it is).

I'd like a Z (or 2) please, Pat...

It's "wheel" time. Wheel of Fortune time that is! (insert theme music here)

We had a long night last night. I didn't get much sleep since someone (not naming any names) decided they wanted to eat every 2 hours and then refused to go back to sleep or would get those pesky hiccups.

So why do I think we had such a bad night? I have an idea and I made it a puzzle. Clay said it's payback for the bath we made her take last night but I don't think so.

So here is the puzzle: (2 words separated by /)

_ _ _ _ _ _ / _ _ _ _ _

There were NO ZZZZ's but instead there is/are/were:

1 G- Gee Miss Kenley I can't believe you want to eat again.
2 R's- Are you kidding me? Why can't we get rid of these hiccups
Are you going to eat or just piddle little girl? If you want to eat, please eat.
1 O- "Oh Mommy, I'm awake again."
1 P- Plenty of Pee and Poop in the diapers with each changing
and
1 U- You should really be asleep little girl. What happened to our nice 4 hour stretches?

So the puzzle looks like this:

G R O _ _ _ / _ P U R _

Any guesses? I have mine ;o)

Questions?

So I have found parenting to have a lot of questions and not so many answers... well... I guess there ARE answers but there are no right or wrong answers (which is difficult for the perfectionist in me to accept), just what works for you and your baby. Now finding what works for you and your baby that's a different story.

Well some of my questions include:

When do diaper changes stop feeling like the end of the world to baby?
How many diapers do you have to change before you feel like a pro?
How much does she really get to eat when we are nursing?
Who decided the hiccups don't bother the baby? They seem annoying to me.
Why do the hiccups always come right after you lay a sleeping baby down?
How long does she whimper before I wake up when I hear her on the baby monitor?
Is it bad that I don't want to pump today?
How do you know when to go from the newborn diapers to the next size?
Is the bath water really warm enough?
When will bathtime become fun?

I know I had a lot more questions at 3am this morning as I sat here nursing instead of typing but I don't seem to remember them right now. Maybe I'll remember later.

Growing

I didn't post about our last doctor appt on Monday. We figured she now weighed over 8lbs but didn't expect the weight we got. She weighed 8 lbs 11.5 ounces on Monday. She gained more than 1lb in a little over 9 days. WOW! In fact we are gaining so well that our newborn clothes don't fit. Granted she only had 3 little newborn outfits but they were all really cute. She easily fits into the 0-3 month clothes and we have lots of those, so we have had a lot of fun with trying on our new outfits and taking pictures. Today we even had a little photo session in our cute outfit from Grandma and Grandpa B.
(That may be my new favorite picture) We also have been enjoying one nice time of "awake" time per day. Today we spent our awake time snuggling with Grandma Coleman.
Our nights have been going well. We have slept the past two nights in our big girl bed and have been easily going 4 hours between eating at least once a night and about 3 or 3.5 hours for the 2nd nighttime feeding. This means I get to actually sleep. She also does good enough that I don't need to wake up Clay in the middle of the night to help. I know he appreciates that since he returned to work. I did wake Grandma C up for the 1am feeding last night (since I knew there was a dirty diaper awaiting me.) but let her sleep for the 4am feeding.
I can not believe how Kenley changes every day and how fast she is growing... what will the next week bring?

Crap! It's bathtime again?

That has to be what Kenley thinks. She did NOT like the bath. We tried to warm up the house, we had the water the right temp, and we warmed up a towel for when she came out. However, this was still what the event looked like.. (Not the best of the pics but the one that doesn't show her girl parts..we are keeping those pics for blackmail when she is older).
In fact, crap is what she did. I had gone as fast as possible but she really showed us what she thought of it. At that point the bath was over and we moved to the counter to clean our butt and then off for a fresh diaper and to get on our pjs. Hopefully she will learn to enjoy these more and we will feel a bit more experienced. I think next time we will try putting her tub in the real tub. This time we had put her tub across the sink in the kitchen and it worked well but its colder in the kitchen.
We do like how soft her hair is after a bath and she smells so good. We like a clean baby but she is getting used to this bathing idea.

Game on!

This post has been brewing for a few days and it just continues to grow. Mainly the ideas and thoughts come in the middle of the night, you know the 3am feeding when I am trying desperately to stay awake but get a little girl to go back to sleep after she eats.

It's funny the games you play (okay well maybe it's just me) when you are breastfeeding in the middle of the night. I thought I would share a few of them with you. Maybe you can even play too!!

• Jukebox repeat: This is when I sing and sing and sing. I end up singing the same songs over and over and over and well you get the point. I sing so much that my voice ends up dry and cracked at times but she seems to like it. We sing EVERYTHING and ANYTHING I can think of. The good ole' nursery songs like Itsy Bitsy Spider, Baa Baa Black Sheep, Mary had a little lamb, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star are big hits. So are the Jesus songs like Jesus loves me and Jesus loves the little children. We have also thrown in a little Father Abraham and the I'm a Christian song. Throw in some You are my sunshine and This little light of mine and we are rockin'. I'm not always sure on some of the words or the 2nd verses but I give it my best and she doesn't seem to mind. Any other songs I could sing?
• Diaper change Press your luck: This game is where I get a bit lazy and decide I'm going to try to change her diaper without removing the blanket (or onesie) from underneath her. This truly is a game of luck. Sometimes I win and sometimes I'm WHAMMIED (couldn't decide if that should be WHAMMY-ED instead...) and get peed on thus requiring a complete change of clothes and further upsetting Little Bean. It's worth a try once in awhile though for speed.
  
• Strip nursing: (Don't worry, I won't request any of you play this game.) This game is played when my hormone heater decides to turn on at the same time the real furnance in the house is running while holding the hot potato baby and sitting in the glider of the nursery which is conveniently (for lack of any other option) sitting next to the register. HOLY HEAT WAVE! First the socks come off. Those I can do without my hands as I use each foot to get the other foot's sock off. Then because I'm already boob out in a nursing tank or sleeping bra there is nothing else to take off the top half so I resort to removing my pants. Yes... it is quite the site to see. I'm just sitting there nursing or rocking her back to sleep in undies and a tank. NICE! HA!
• Boppy Boggle: Okay so this game you can easily play without removing any of your clothes or getting peed on. Sounds better already huh? You may remember the boppy cover I made for Kenley. It looks like this...Nice and cute right? Well, the letters will drive you nuts at 3am. I sit there and play BOGGLE trying to find as many words as I can to keep my mind busy. It's crazy! It depends on the angle she lays and which side we are eating from but I sit and play and play and play. I can't NOT look for words. I should make the other cover or use the red (back) side of this but it's too addictive.
  

Well with that said, let's play some Boggle. Only rule I use is that the letter has to be touching the next one and that you can't use the same letter 2x.

Here is the latest 9 letter set I have been staring at:
S E B
T A R
D C S

Here are the words I have made (or made this morning at least). Each time I play I find new words or a new area to play from. Oh my, have I lost it?

Star
Car
Tar
Bar
Bat
Best
Sars (the disease)
Sat
Rat
Be
Rest
Cast
Case
Base
Tea
Are
Cat
Tad
Dab
Beat

Any you see?

Clay goes back to work

This was the scene this morning after we got back from our very successful doctor's visit (more on that later.)....
Clay had to go back to work today. His PTO bank is on E for sure. Kenley and I are on our own today and will miss him for sure.

Okay, she looks like me...

Clay and I weren't able to really tell who we thought Kenley looked like. We decided she has my nose but weren't so sure on anything else. My mom swears she looks like me so she sent some "evidence," Well sure enough, my little girl looks like me...

Here is my mom with me when I was born....
Here is Grandma with our little girl...
And here I am with my little girl...
I showed Clay the pictures and sure enough... "That's our girl."

He has been warned

Clay has been warned. The other day during one of our middle of the night feedings he said "I don't think our baby cries enough." What??? Really??

Well he got what he wished for. Kenley has been a little fussy yesterday, last night and today so she has very tired parents. Good thing Grandma Coleman is here tonight to help out. Last night she wanted to eat every 1.5 hours and then wouldn't go back to sleep without being held. Every time we tried to lay her down she would wake back up. We were trying to sleep in our "big girl" bed so maybe that had something to do with it. Who knows.

I told Clay that he jinxed us and it was all his fault. He didn't seem to think that was a valid argument. I'm sure I said this somewhere during the 3am hour when I hadn't been to bed yet or had I? I don't remember..... HA!

So then today he has the nerve to say "Wonder if she has colic".... Okay, if he says one more thing I may kill him or at least kick him in the balls. (Okay I really won't do either of those but I can threaten him for sure.) He has been warned ;o)

Photo link on sidebar

We ordered some photos on Walgreens site for Kenley's babybook and to have around. I had the link to the album added to the sidebar. Feel free to check them out ;o)

A few firsts...

First sponge bath at home (1/2): She didn't much care for this. Of course, I wouldn't either. It's cold. We tried to keep her wrapped in the towel as much as possible but she is very wiggly.

First nap in her "big girl" bed (1/5): We decided to try to move her into her crib slowly over the next week or so. It's going to be the hardest on me. We will do just naps first and then add our nights in as we go along. I still fun in there to check on her with every little noise but our baby monitor is so sensitive it picks up the bathroom radio and the neighbor's dogs barking.
First "swinging" time: (1/5): She seemed to like it. She quickly fell asleep but she had a wet diaper so I had to be mean and wake her up and cut the time short.
First story time with dad: Clay likes to read her one book a day. They read "Let's Dance Little Pookie" first and have enjoyed the snuggle time each night.

This boogie's for you!

Kenley had been nasally (is that a word) for a few days and Clay and I had attempted MANY MANY times to attack with the blue bulb aspirators we stole from the hospital. However, the one nostril was just impossible. We could see the culprit way up there but couldn't reach it. And if we made any progress, she would just sniff it back in before we could do round 2 of the assault. Given Clay is a "textbooker" he went online with Dr. Google to research and found that you can use a saline solution to loosen the mucus and then suck it out. After a call the the nurse at the dr's office, we were told we could use "Little Noses" which is an OTC saline solution to do just the trick. So last night we got to work and you wouldn't believe what came out. How in the world a boogie this size came out of a nose that small on our sweet little girl, we will never know. However I am strange enough to take a picture of course and post it on here. So, this boogie's for you!!!

Of course now we worry cause we can't hear her breathe like we could before... oh geez!!!

Part 2: The first few days home and more

In continuing the story of our first week with our precious Little Bean...

I had dreaded Tuesday night. We got home around 330 or 4pm and set her carseat down in the living room. We just kind of thought, "Now what?" There is no nursery here to help, no nurses to verify she is doing okay, no clear crib so I can watch her 24 hours a day to make sure she is still breathing. There was only us... two rookie parents with their first baby and a lot of worry, doubt, unknown, confidence (yes you can be worried and still confident), joy, excitement, etc, etc, etc. Too many emotions or thoughts to express for sure. Were we going to be good parents? Could we handle this by ourselves?

We decided we would first have to introduce her to our kitty. I hadn't been home in a few days and Clay had come and gone quickly at times just to feed her or shower so she knew something was up. Here is how the first encounter went...

On the second encounter, kitty was a bit braver until Little Bean uncontrollable stretched her arm out and it ended the same way.
Tuesday night itself was "easy." It lacks a word and easy seems wrong but it went much more smoothly than I expected. She would eat and then sleep. However she still wanted to be held to sleep. However it was more comfortable to do this at home and not in the hospital. We survived night 1 home with a newborn. Whew....

Wednesday 12/30

Wednesday was our first doctor's appointment. It was earlier than normal given the holiday. Ideally the would have wanted to see her on Friday but with the office closed, we went Wed.
We had lost some more weight. She weighed 7lbs 6 oz on Wed but the doctor wasn't concerned. Babies can lose up to 10% of their birth weight before doctors worry and she was at less than 5% lost. We also got our first lesson on the "rectal" temperature taking... the doctor's office said they will always want a rectal temp and not an under the arm temp so I guess we will have to get used to it. She did have to get her heel pricked again as they were checking her jaundice levels. She had some yellowing to the skin and definite yellowing to the eyes and top of her mouth. We were hoping it all worked itself out with the feedings. (Breastmilk is supposed to speed recovery.)
This was Clay's first time meeting the pediatrician. I had met her in the hospital for a brief "social" visit and liked her immediately. Clay likes her a lot too and thinks she will be a great dr for Kenley. Kenley seemed to also like her new doctor and requested a picture with her in snuggle mode.
Wednesday night brought my first mental breakdown.. although it really could have been sometime in the wee hours of Thursday morning. Again things at night are blurry. It seems the 11pm-6am hours vanish and I have no recollection. Am I a walking zombie then or do I just selectively not remember the late night hours?
My mental breakdown came over nursing. My milk had come in officially and my "girls" were hard as granite and we had a lot of latching issues which made for long long feedings and pain that can barely be described, but alas, we survived.

Thursday 12/31

Happy New Year's Eve!! My mom made plans to come and spend the night with us so Clay could get some sleep. Does that seem fair? Why does he get the sleep and not me... oh wait, I have the milk bags for mealtime so I am a required guest at the feedings.. okay fair enough. We enjoyed time with our grandma and she was very helpful at keeping mommy calm as we continued to have a few frustrations latching on to one of the sides. Little Bean was clearly developing a preference for the left boob over the right and it was making me worry that I would never be able to make milk on that right side. Oh where your mind goes at 3am when you are sitting in the dead silence feeding your newborn.

We slept in the New Year as our last feeding in 2009 ended around 1115 and we were all quickly sawing logs.

The sleep for Clay did wonders. We think he got about 10 hours. The next day he was refreshed and ready to go. He did all the laundry and picked up the rest of the house. He had been trying to do one room a day since we got home but the tiredness had kept him from making too much progress. I was glad that he was able to accomplish so much that day and I think he was too. We both appreciated Grandma's help as she stayed through most of Friday to cuddle and visit.

Saturday 1/2

Saturday we treked back out in the cold to go back to the dr's office. We had an early appointment to check our jaundice levels. Our weight was up 4 ounces to 7lbs 10oz so we had almost returned to birth weight which made me very happy. The dr was also so pleased with her coloring (skin, eyes, and mouth) that she said we didn't have to test the levels again and she was recovering nicely. No treatment required. Good news!

Saturday we were also expecting more company. Lissa and Nathan were going to be stopping by to see us. They would be shortly followed by Grandma and Grandpa Brockman who brought Italian Beef for dinner upon request.

It was so nice to see Lissa and Nathan. We had such a good little visit of which Kenley slept through. They brought her a super cute outfit with a hoodie for this spring. We can't wait to wear it.

Grandma and Grandpa Brockman's visit was also nice. I snuck in a nap while Kenley had cuddle time with them. I think even Clay closed his eyes a bit.

Sunday 1/3

WOW! A week.... where has the time gone? It is so strange to think how much life can change in a week (really just in one day or even one minute). We have enjoyed the first week home. We have had some challenges but the many many joys have by far outweighed any struggles.

Things we know about Kenley already from this week:

• She is an excellent sleeper. She gets this from Clay for sure. We have to wake her for most feedings and she won't fuss herself awake with dirty diapers or anything. Usually the smell wakes us up so she won't sit in it but she seems content sleeping comfortably swaddled up in the bassinet.
  
• She is impatient when hungry. This she definitely gets from me. I for the most part qualify as "Suzie Sunshine" with a very optimistic and happy attitude, but if I am hungry...all bets are off and I may snap. We have determined if we "prime the pump" a bit before she latches it makes her a bit happier as she gets her milk faster.
  
• She seems to be a thinker. (Meaning she sleeps with her hands posed by her face. She gets this from me too. I always have my hands by my face when sleeping and usually my mouth open which she does frequently too.)

We have also learned we are both worriers. I think this is natural for any first time parent(s). We worry she is too cold, we worry she is too hot (for SIDS), we worry she won't be breathing, we worry she isn't getting enough to eat, we worry, we worry, we worry. I know the worry will prob never go away completely but I'll have to try and focus about the important worries and realize everything else will work its way out.

What a wonderful week... (PART 1: Labor, delivery and the hospital stay)

Okay so this has been a long time (well, only a week) in the making but I have had to weigh what I "should" do (sleep) with what I "wanted" to do (blog to tell you about my wonderful girl.) So, buckle up ladies and gents (well I think only 1 gent reads this blog).....it's GONNA BE A LONG ONE.... and this is just Part 1.

I decided to do a timeline of my past week...

Sunday 12/27

I woke up around 7am, starving like always. Clay was still sleeping and he had been up half the night with insomnia (finally it was someone else in our house and not me.) I only knew he had been up because of the frequent trips to the bathroom. After eating anything I could find (cereal, banana, nutragrain bars, etc) I sat down to blog. I was going to write a post about Little Bean's Christmas and the Braxton Hicks contractions I thought I was having (more on that later), but I could NOT get comfortable in the chair. It was like I had to go the the bathroom but couldn't so I busied myself and tried to distract myself by surfing the world wide web.

Around 815 or so, I was getting more uncomfortable and restless so I started to pace the house. Those that have been to my house know its not that big so I paced up and down the hall and to the kitchen. I paced and paced and paced. I thought maybe a warm shower would help so I did that. (side note: I attempted to shave my legs at this point to stay in the warm water longer but quickly gave up on that idea.) After about an hour or more of pacing and unsuccessfully trying to get comfortable, I decided it was time to wake up Clay. My lower back was killing me with the pressure and I wanted him to rub it.

Clay got up but even with the back rub I couldn't get comfortable. He asked me if I thought the pressure and uncomfortableness was contractions to which I had no response. They say you just "know" when you are in labor but I don't know about that. Clay asked what Mel or Liz or Val had said about contractions and labor and reminded me about the menstrual cramping like feeling they said it should feel like in class. Okay, you just asked someone who has only had 4 periods of her own in the last 2 years what menstrual cramps are supposed to feel like.
I tried to compare this to getting kicked in the balls. I asked him what it was like to get kicked in the balls and he said he didn't know cause it hadn't happened to him. Well, I haven't ever been in labor so I don't know either was all I could respond with. It was a funny conversation to say the least. We thought about consulting a close male friend who unfortunately has had some experience with painful kicks the groin just to see if someone can adequately explain the feelings and pain associated with such experience.

Around 10, we decided to time a few of what we had finally decided HAD to be contractions. We found them to be about 45 seconds long and 7 minutes apart when I was resting in the bed. Clay wanted to go to the hospital but I wanted to tough it out more at home. I did NOT want to be one of those women that shows up at the hospital and thinks they are in labor only to be sent home disappointed, so we paced some more and Clay finished packing the bag (just in case.)

A little before 11, Clay once again asked if I thought we should go to the hospital. He acknowledged my high level of pain tolerance but added he could tell these "contractions" felt different and were affecting me. I reluctantly agreed. I more dreaded having to sit in the car with the pressure and prepped myself for the return trip home.
Just in case, we took our "headed to the hospital" picture as recommended by Clay's friend Bill.
Off we went to the hospital. We decided not to call anyone until I was admitted. Given it was after hours (i.e. the weekend) we had to enter through the emergency room. I swayed side to side waiting for my ride to the labor and delivery floor to be monitored. Luckily they agreed to let me walk up there but I did walk like a snail.
Once up on the labor and delivery floor, we were put in a room to be monitored and checked. The nurse came in and got us all hooked up and wanted to check my cervix. Lo and behold, we were staying...I was almost 5cm and having contractions about every 4 minutes. Huh! Who would have thought. It was only the constant back pain that annoyed me. So let the waiting game begin....well at least that's what we thought.
I declined the epidural as I wanted to go as far as possible without it. I asked if I could walk around the room given I was still restless and uncomfortable. Clay was very helpful at this point leading our breathing when the larger "pressure" pains came and holding my hand. He also kept me with an ample supply of ice chips and chapstick which are both needed after the "hee's and who's" of breathing. We found our labor nurses name was Sherri (easy enough for me to remember as I just linked her to the wonderful Sherri that I know and reads this blog.)
Around 1pm (not even 2 hours after getting to the hospital) I was around 8cms and progressing very nicely. There was only one other mother in labor on the floor and she had been there since the wee hours of the morning when her water broke and she was still at a 1cm. Poor thing!
This is about the time the back pain became a bit unbearable. Each one sent a shooting pain down through my legs and out the ends of my toes. It made them shake and I could no longer stand or sit comfortably so I decided for the epidural.
The epidural itself is quite an experience. It doesn't hurt but there is something about them tapping into your spinal column that makes you a bit nervous. Clay left the room (both for his benefit and the dr's orders.) This is the moment in time that you truly bond with your labor nurse if you are ever going to. You know when you head is shoved between someone else's knockers and they are hugging you tightly to their chest, its time to bond. Luckily my nurse didn't have BO or anything ;o)
When the epidural kicked in, my belly felt so weird. I was a big mush of jello. There wasn't any more backpain which was wonderful and I could still move my extremities.
Around 315 or so... I got checked again and I was ready to go except for one thing...my bag of waters wouldn't break. The nurse tried to break it a few times manually and had me bear down to try to break it but it was declared one tough bag. The dr had been called and it was time to get the show on the road so they used the amniotic hook to break my water. Then I got to wait for just a few minutes to allow Little Bean to descend further into the birth canal now that she (which we didn't know yet) was free.
Around 350ish or so (the time starts to blur here) it really was showtime. We started pushing with contractions and we progressed a bit each time. The nurses in the room were great. Sherri counted SUPER SUPER S-L-O-W so by the third push on each contraction I could only make it to like 6 or 7 before I had to breathe. Everyone (even the Dr.) gave her a hard time but it was actually kind of motivating...well that and the fact that I was ready to meet Little Bean. I had asked for a labor mirror so I could see the head crown and the FULL head of hair as we kept pushing. Dr. Emm (not my regular dr but the dr on call) came in and we continued with each contraction. Clay was amazing and although he had been worried about passing out or not being able to watch, he rocked! It was amazing to see the head crown and then the progress with each subsequent push. Sherri and the dr. said I was a "rock star" pusher and I quickly let the overacheiver in me take control as I would push to 11 or 12 for super slow counter Sherri when she stopped at 10.
Everyone in the room was super excited for our little surprise. A majority of couples today find out what they are having so the "surprises" are few and far between. After the head was out, it was time for one more big push to find out.
I could barely wait and then PUSH and out SHE came at 442pm. A quick cry and all was right in the world. Immediately Clay and I were both crying too (no surprise for me of course). The rest is a blur at this point. I just remember the Dr laying her up toward my chest and staring at her. She was WIDE awake and seemed so attentive. They gave her a bit of oxygen and allowed a few of our first pictures and our FIRST Family picture.
After they gave us a few minutes with our little girl, she was off (with daddy right behind her) to get weighed, measured, and poked a few times. Clay took a few of the "keepsake" pictures. As they took her toward the scale, we all guessed the weight. I said 6lbs and 3oz and Clay had around 6lbs too. However, the BIG shocker came when she came back 7lbs 13oz (they rounded up).
Then it was time for recovery. OH wait, the name.... well, you all know that we named her Kenley Faith. Clay and I both really liked the name Kenley. We found it on the "little boy" side of a book we borrowed but thought it perfect for a little girl should Little Bean turn out to be a girl. As an added bonus, it has a very similar meaning to my name. Kimberly as I have seen it means "Royal fortress meadow" and Kenley in the book we used means "from the king's meadow" or "royal meadow." And well the middle name Faith was used based on the journey that brought us to her.
As we stayed in the labor room for recovery, we made a few calls to our parents and then Aunt Val and Uncle Scott. It was exciting to tell everyone about our new family edition.
The rest of the evening seems to be a blur too. When they took me to the post partum (sp?) room, we dropped Little Bean off at the nursery for her bath. After what felt like forever we were all back together in our room for the night.
The first night went well. We had the nurse help with the first few diapers and given the long day we had just had, we did have the nursery watch her for just 2 hours so we could sleep. I felt like the worst mom in the world at that point but Clay assured me I needed at least 2 hours of sleep.

Monday 12/28

Monday was the day of visitors at the hospital. Our VERY FIRST visitors were Grandma and Grandpa Coleman. The roads were bad so they arrived a little late but I'm sure the trek was worth it to see this little face.
(Sorry that seems a bit blurry)... Here are pictures with Grandma and Grandpa Coleman.
A few very good friends came to the hospital too. After my parents, Liz, Lee, Shauna, and Tori came to visit. Tori's beautiful Avery came to see baby Kenley too. (My mom has pictures of their visits on her facebook page if you are interested. I don't have them copied over yet...sorry guys...)
Later that day, Grandma and Grandpa Brockman came to see us.


Even our wonderful labor and delivery nurse Sherri stopped by when her shift started to see us.
We had one more special visitor that first day. My friend Kimberly came to see us.
In addition to all of the wonderful visitors, we received flowers, balloons, several outfits and gifts, and cheer cards. This cute arrangement came from my godparents in MO.
(Side note: Clay and I want to THANK all of you that came to visit. We are blessed to have you all in our lives.)

The second night at the hospital was a bit tougher. Little K didn't want to sleep much unless she was being held and I didn't feel comfortable falling asleep with her in my arms in that oversized and uncomfortable hospital bed.

Tuesday 12/29

This was the day we knew we would get to go home. We didn't plan on any visitors as we were hoping that we would be discharged early and home around lunch time. Plans sometimes don't work the way you want.

The pediatrician checked and released our little girl first thing in the morning but we sat around until after 1:30 for my doctor to come around and release me. During that time, we did have her debut picture taken for the world wide web on the hospital site.
(Thanks for letting us borrow such a cute bow Liz and Rylee)

We bundled Little Bean up for her journey home in her cute new outfit and we waited for our discharge.
Around 3 we were released and headed home. This is a great spot to end Part 1 of the wonderful week. I will try to post more about the first few nights at home soon. I hope I added enough pics to keep you all wanting to come back and see our beautiful Little Bean Kenley;o)