I want to pee on a stick

Since Friday, I have had the urge to take a pregnancy test. I have no idea why. I don't honestly think that I am pregnant, but I have wanted to take a test just to see. However, I only have one test left and I was going to wait to take it until January when I called the doctor about doing more Provera and starting the Clomid. But I just can't stop thinking about it. I've been thinking about it so much it has worked its way into my dreams. I have had two dreams about taking a test and it's the first thing on my mind when I wake up between 345 and 5 in the morning and have to pee. So I should just do it tomorrow morning, but I prob won't. I don't want the disappointment. I don't want the feeling that it's never going to show two blue lines. I want to live blindly in my hope and not be slapped on the face with disappointment and the reality that I have to wait longer to have what I want. I am being defiant and refusing to pee in that little Sponge Bob Squarepants cup and swirl the stick just to wait 2 minutes in false hope. I want the real thing. Real hope and real faith that one day it will happen. (And it will!) SO I am holding off another day. (I will probably fold tomorrow morning but we shall see....)