Today I feel...

We have this commercial that plays on our local radio station. It's for DaVinci Floor Covering and Design. In the commercial the lady says, "Today I feel..." and then she has trouble expressing how she feels and tries to tell you that the consultants can help you figure it out and bring that mood to your flooring..Well, whatever but that line "Today I feel..." keeps running through my head.

Today I feel

• Reminiscent: The last few times I have been in the mother's conference room taking care of business, my mind has wandered back across the past few months. I flash back to December 27th and Kenley's birth. The vivid images and feelings wash over me. I remember when they laid her on my stomach the first time when she was born and she just grabbed my finger with her eyes so wide. I remember that first night and not wanting to take my eyes off of her. I remember her in that cute little penguin onesie at the hospital and trying to figure out the nursing thing. I remember the first few weeks at home and watching her go from yellow (she was jaundice) to reddish and now white.  I remember it all. I don't want to forget so I'm going to try to remember.
• Overwhelmed: I tried to go shopping today for Kenley and I felt overwhelmed. The 3-6 month clothes looked too small but the 6-9 months looked too big. All the little girl capris and shorts had designs on them. I couldn't find any plan jean capris or khaki shorts and the ones I did were supposedly little boy ones (well shorts that is). I couldn't decide what swimsuit to get and if it was really worth buying her one to go swimming like 2x.  At one point I almost took everything out of the cart, laid it on the floor and walked out. I just didn't know what to do, but I stayed. I bought a few things. A skirt/short, a tank with a kitty on it, a patriotic 4th of July outfit, a romper, a swimsuit, and a Cardinals outfit. I'm pleased overall with my purchases but I just hope they fit.
• Blessed- This goes with the reminiscent feeling. Lately it seems I have all these signs of how far I've been over the last year. Most of the time it's a song on the radio that I hear that I posted on this blog back when we were struggling to get pregnant. Today it was a song (this song in fact) on my MP3 player as I pumped. The other day it was an email from a friend with a prayer that I posted. It's all these things reminding me where I was last year at this time. March and April were very difficult for me last year. I remember exactly what I did last year on April 17th and not just because it's my husband's birthday. (In fact ask me next year what we did this year and I prob won't know but last April 17th is etched in my head. Last April 17th was our pivot point and I didn't even know it at the time.) Last April 17th is when we found the cyst and we were given the option to go on birth control for the month or to wait patiently and do nothing. Clay and I opted for the second option of just letting the month play out and I am so incredibly blessed that we did. I went back tonight and re-read my post from last April 17th. I know that we were both discouraged as we climbed into the car after the dr. appt last year. We were trying so hard to convince ourselves that there was a chance we could get pregnant on our own that month and hoping for our miracle.  Well, that's what happened!!! I read some of the post to Clay tonight. What if we had picked option 1 to do birth control pills? What if I hadn't had that cyst and had continued with the injections? So many what ifs, but only one what did and for that I am truly BLESSED. I wouldn't have picked it any other way.