My Meltdown.... I blame the monkey.

On Monday, I read this post on a random blog I came across entitled "God's Faithfulness Through Infertility." It caught my eye because it had to do with the bible study by Beth Moore that Kimberly and I are doing at church. We hadn't done the session to which she referred but I was excited to see which week we would be doing it at my own study.
Then on Tuesday, I was excited to discover that we would be doing the Fear lesson that night. I watched the video glued to every word that was said. I couldn't believe how touching it was. Every word applied. Read the post above for more of the lesson. That author words it so well, I didn't want to repeat.
What I want to post about deals with the end of the evening. We generally go around the room and share either prayer requests or praise. Share if you want, sit quietly if you don't. I had a plan. It was simple. I just wanted to ask for prayers of patience for the dr. appt given I don't expect too much to come from the "consultation." Simple, right? "I want prayers for patience for my dr. appt." Nine words and vague enough to share.
However, that is not what I said. It is NOT what happened. I said,"I have a prayer request" ...pause...longer pause...really long pause...OMG! I'm going to cry...open the flood gates.
That's right, I cried. Actually, I bawled. Before I could even get 1 word out I was crying so hard. I choked out the words I could..."I was excited about the video, I was scared about the dr. appt. I was having problems with fertility." There was no stopping me. At one point I was just crying "When you want a baby, you want your baby. It's not fair to make me wait a year when I know I have problems." I have NO IDEA what else I said through the tears and babbling. I am sure I had snot running down my face. Worst part, I went first so I had to sit there recovering while everyone else shared their requests. I started to feel so so dumb. I just couldn't keep it all in. Here is why......
Yesterday my period came again. You would think that is a good thing and it IS, but I just felt down. So when I felt bad and wanted to ask for one simple prayer, I lost it. I blame that MONKEY!