Today I feel...

We have this commercial that plays on our local radio station. It's for DaVinci Floor Covering and Design. In the commercial the lady says, "Today I feel..." and then she has trouble expressing how she feels and tries to tell you that the consultants can help you figure it out and bring that mood to your flooring..Well, whatever but that line "Today I feel..." keeps running through my head.

Today I feel

• Reminiscent: The last few times I have been in the mother's conference room taking care of business, my mind has wandered back across the past few months. I flash back to December 27th and Kenley's birth. The vivid images and feelings wash over me. I remember when they laid her on my stomach the first time when she was born and she just grabbed my finger with her eyes so wide. I remember that first night and not wanting to take my eyes off of her. I remember her in that cute little penguin onesie at the hospital and trying to figure out the nursing thing. I remember the first few weeks at home and watching her go from yellow (she was jaundice) to reddish and now white.  I remember it all. I don't want to forget so I'm going to try to remember.
• Overwhelmed: I tried to go shopping today for Kenley and I felt overwhelmed. The 3-6 month clothes looked too small but the 6-9 months looked too big. All the little girl capris and shorts had designs on them. I couldn't find any plan jean capris or khaki shorts and the ones I did were supposedly little boy ones (well shorts that is). I couldn't decide what swimsuit to get and if it was really worth buying her one to go swimming like 2x.  At one point I almost took everything out of the cart, laid it on the floor and walked out. I just didn't know what to do, but I stayed. I bought a few things. A skirt/short, a tank with a kitty on it, a patriotic 4th of July outfit, a romper, a swimsuit, and a Cardinals outfit. I'm pleased overall with my purchases but I just hope they fit.
• Blessed- This goes with the reminiscent feeling. Lately it seems I have all these signs of how far I've been over the last year. Most of the time it's a song on the radio that I hear that I posted on this blog back when we were struggling to get pregnant. Today it was a song (this song in fact) on my MP3 player as I pumped. The other day it was an email from a friend with a prayer that I posted. It's all these things reminding me where I was last year at this time. March and April were very difficult for me last year. I remember exactly what I did last year on April 17th and not just because it's my husband's birthday. (In fact ask me next year what we did this year and I prob won't know but last April 17th is etched in my head. Last April 17th was our pivot point and I didn't even know it at the time.) Last April 17th is when we found the cyst and we were given the option to go on birth control for the month or to wait patiently and do nothing. Clay and I opted for the second option of just letting the month play out and I am so incredibly blessed that we did. I went back tonight and re-read my post from last April 17th. I know that we were both discouraged as we climbed into the car after the dr. appt last year. We were trying so hard to convince ourselves that there was a chance we could get pregnant on our own that month and hoping for our miracle.  Well, that's what happened!!! I read some of the post to Clay tonight. What if we had picked option 1 to do birth control pills? What if I hadn't had that cyst and had continued with the injections? So many what ifs, but only one what did and for that I am truly BLESSED. I wouldn't have picked it any other way. 

Updates

Oh my! I can hardly believe it's been more than a week since I posted. I tried to sit down and post on both of my blogs Monday night (or maybe it was Sunday night) but I couldn't muster up the energy much past sticking the laptop on my lap. I also think I got distracted by the tv and actually getting to sit and watch a show peacefully. So here are some updates on life at the Brockman Hotel. They may seem a little boring but we are settling nicely into a routine now that I have returned to work.

• Kenley is an AWESOME sleeper. I don't want to jinx it but that girl has been sleeping through the night since the first week I went back to work. Her bedtime is usually around 730-8pm as she finishes eating for the last time and we have to WAKE HER UP at 7am to go to the sitter's. I feel horrible waking her up but I may try to get her bedtime a little earlier so she can have an extra hour or so. We keep wanting to try bath time around 615/630- then eat and bed but mom and dad haven't gotten their acts together yet with dinner.
• Another thing to mention about her sleeping that makes us  LUCKY parents is the way she goes to bed. After eating and burping she will sometimes get squirmy so I will just lay her in her bed with her pacifier and the music on softly and she will go to sleep on her own like a big girl. We love it!!!
• Napping is a different story at least according to the sitter. At home she will nap when needed for 45minutes-1 hour about 3 times a day which is fine with me. The sitter says she doesn't nap very well, long, or often. I wonder if there is just too much going on. I'm sure she will figure it out and I shouldn't worry about her not getting enough sleep, but I do.
• I need to go shopping soon and get some spring/summer clothes for her to wear. She has a limited warm weather wardrobe so a shopping trip is in order. Now I just have to find the time to do it.
• I am doing okay back at work. I am very busy so the days go very quickly which is nice. However my favorite part of the day is leaving to go pick her up. It's also hard for me to get to work on time in the morning because I want to be there when she wakes up and I don't want to leave until she is ready to go (that has to do with some control issues I have and letting go but that is an entirely different post.)
• Kenley is also eating really well for us at the sitter. She is up to eating over 20 ounces a day there and then 1 or 2 times at home before bed. I've been able to keep up so far and freeze at least one day's worth of milk per week so that when I stop nursing, she will still have a little in frozen reserve. I think we may be moving to the bigger bottles soon since she rarely eats less than 6 ounces.
• Oh and one last thing. I know that I won't miss these pumping days. I don't like having to pump before work or before bed. It makes me feel rushed  in the morning and it's the last thing I want to do before I hit the hay. However, I'm aiming to make it 6 months so I will keep chugging away.

So there you have it. I'm sure that I'm missing more but they are just small updates in our new routine. I do have some new super cute pictures that I will try to post soon (maybe tonight, but no promises.)

Opening Day

Baseball season has officially started! In honor, Kenley showed her support for her daddy's favorite team and brought them some luck as they got their first win. Go Cards!! (She is cheering from the news in the second picture.)

Easter riddle

Q: What takes 3 over the heads, 6 sleeves, and 22 snaps to get ready?
A: Our Easter bunny

Of course when we put her in the bib overalls especially for her Grandpa Coleman, she will pee on them 10 minutes before he shows up. However, even in outfit B, she is still somebunny cute!!

We all had a "Hoppy" Easter and hope you did too ;o)

This post is brought to you by the letter T

TUMMY TIME fun and smiles...

and the fun of discovering our TONGUE

The "Mommy" room experience

Returning to work and figuring out the consistent pumping schedule is an adventure in an of itself but today I went to the next level. Generally after trying to balance my work and squeezing in time around the meetings to pump I am mentally spent, but today I found some humor in the situation. You see I usually pump downstairs in our basement conference room with no windows and a lock on the door, but today I travelled to the other building to use the OFFICIAL "Mommy room."

I went over early this morning to get a key from the nurse and although I felt like I was signing away my first born in exchange for the key I made it back in one piece. Then this afternoon in the bright warm sunshine, I trekked across the parking lot to the other building not knowing what to expect.

I worried I would have some sort of stage fright and not be able to successfully pump in a new place. I wondered if there would be any other women pumping at the same time. Little did I know the next 15 minutes would be so amusing to me.

It really is a shame that I can't type and pump at the same time. Really I can't do anything and pump at the same time but that's a different story, maybe not for this blog.  I hope I can retell it all as I lived it.

First I entered the room and there were a few "stalls" as I expected. Each about 4x5' in size (I'm a bad judge on this but that's my guesstimate) and featuring a table, chair, and electrical power bar. Each stall had "saloon" type doors. You know those swinging doors from bars in the old westerns. That was my first chuckle as I could picture tumbleweed blowing across the floor and hear the old time saloon music in my head.  I also immediately noticed there was no central clock. There was a clock on the microwave (yes there was a microwave and small refridgerator), but you can't see that from within the stalls so I was glad my MP3 player (means for hands free entertainment) also featured a clock.  (Side bar: the nurse was very specific when I checked out the key this morning that the microwave was not to be used for food but could be used to sanitize the equipment as needed. The fridge of course is for the milk which I thought was nice.) There was also a sink/washing station and a very good selection of reading materials (magazines and even a few books). It's like a luxurious break room but you aren't really on break. It TOTALLY made me want to explore the other corporately provided "mommy" rooms that my company offers. (There are 4 corporate buildings and I work in the only one without a room so I'd like to scope out the other three, well 2 now).

On a related note, one of the books sitting there was called "The Milk Memos" which peeked my interest enough to read the front cover before I left the room and further more google it to read the full description. I may have to read it sometime....

Anyways, I wasn't the only one in the room today. One lady came in shortly after I got started and soon she was underway as well. This is when I came to realize that just like babies, not all breast pumps sound the same. Interesting. I sat and listened to her pump drone away in comparison to mine. It was like a breast pump on crack I tell you, although it really sounded like a whippoorwhill so I guess it was a whippoorwhill on crack. A third lady also came in and further confirmed the lesson as her pump was more of a whooshing hum of sorts that is hard to describe in words but I can definitely recreate in sound. All of this in comparison to the crank of my pump which I sometimes think sounds like a... well I'll spare you all the full description.

Back to the whippoorwhill on crack... when she first came in I had thought about issuing a challenge. I work well in competition so I thought why not just see who can get the most and then pump like there is no tomorrow. However I am glad I kept my mouth shut becuase that lady would have totally kicked my arse. She pumped 5 minutes, stopped, pumped another 5 minutes, and was done. Hmm... either the milk just shoots out of her like beer from a keg or she didn't care to get much. I wonder if she stopped to switch sides and was only doing one side at a time or if she had to stop to switch bottles cause the first ones were full (then she really is my hero.. goodness). I wanted to peek out and see who it was and how big her "girls" were or just flat out ask over the wall how much she got in that time. After all I was hidden and she had no idea who I was and for that matter I don't even work in that building, but I refrained. Shocking huh? I guess I can apply a filter at times.

Finally there was one other thing I found odd or amusing during today's adventure. There was a sign on the table that said "Breastmilk is considered a potentially biohazardous material. Please dispose of any saturated materials in the proper red biohazard container." Okay, seriously? How many things are wrong with that? How in the world is breastmilk a potentially biohazardous material? and who in their right mind can SATURATE something with breastmilk while pumping (spills aside). That stuff is way too precious to even think about spilling a drop. Wonder if there was anything in that red can?? Yes I understand the need to wipe down the table before the next person as a courtesy and to clean the equipment and your hands at all times but biohazardous????

Okay, so I'm glad I can find some humor in the tedious task of pumping at work and I hope that you got at least one chuckle from my experience today too.