What today would have been....

Today March 11th was my original appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist, Dr. Jarrett. That's right, the man I've already seen twice. Today was my first scheduled appointment at 2pm but now instead he and I have already done one cycle together. He is in Bloomington today but I won't be going to see him. I have my next appointment with him on the 24th in Urbana. I am so thankful I had my appointment moved up and that we have been proactive. So now instead of just seeing the doctor for the first time, I sit on the eve of taking a home pregnancy test filled with possibility for the first time. I know there was one follicle and hopefully with a viable egg. I know my hormone levels were up high enough when tested last week that my body could support a viable pregnancy. I know from the last ultrasound that my lining was thick and ready to receive and LORD knows we had brownies repeatedly around the proposed time for ovulation.
So I am nervous, maybe a bit scared, definitely excited, and processing about 9million thoughts a minute if not a second. I am glad Clay and I talked about it and decided it would be okay to test tomorrow before our trip instead of waiting till we get back Monday. What will we see? How will I feel (I know that depends on the answer to that first question)? I am going to try to hold off and sleep till at least 5am since I will probably not be able to return to my slumber. Clay wants to be awake too, so maybe neither of us will get any sleep. My world right now sits as one big "IF".....

Operation SpongeBob

The Brockman household is in great debate right now (at least that is my perception). I would really like to take a HPT on Thursday morning so that I will finally just KNOW, but my stickler rule-abiding husband (which is a role-reversal since I'm usually the stickler) thinks that because the doctor said to wait until Friday, that taking it one day early would be futile.

My wonderful friend Melissa (seems weird to write her whole name as I usually just call her Mel) has devised a secret and well-designed plan. It has been coined OPERATION SPONGEBOB. I had her write out the specs in her own words. (I have added a few comments in black). So here it is.....


"Kim had mentioned to me how she was wanting to take a "test" before she leaves for her trip on Thursday but was afraid if she did and it was positive she could not keep the news a secret over the weekend. I on the other hand want her too because I am very interested in the results so I can start shopping ASAP. So me being the good friend I am came up with Operation Spongebob. Keep in mind Kim and I have no barrier lines in our friendship so such things could take place. It will work like this:

Kim will wake up at her usual time (3:30am) and be so sleepy that she will accidentally miss the toilet and pee directly into a Spongebob cup that just happened to be near the toilet. She really should keep a tidier house. She will feel so shameful that this happened she will hide the cup from Clay, so he will not think she is crazy. (It may be too late for that, I know.) Now because they will be gone for an extended weekend someone (Melissa) will need to come check on Kitty. I will come by and check on kitty who tends to hide in the bathroom shower. (She hasn't done this lately but it is always a good place to look) I will walk in looking for her. She will see me and try and escape. I lean over to grab her and my open pregnancy test will accidentally fall out of my pocket and directly into the SpongeBob cup Kim hid in the shower from Clay. (Yes, I keep an unwrapped pregnancy test in my pocket. You never know when it will come in handy and I like to be prepared. (Isn't that the BoyScout's motto: Always be prepared?) Everyone knows that. What ....don't you keep one in your pocket? Now I will look in awe that such a strange occurrence has taken place given I only came to check Kitty's food and litter box. But I can't just walk away, why let a good pregnancy test go to waste. So I sit on the toilet (lid down people, stick with me) with Kitty on my lap (oh I can totally see this happening....HISS!) waiting the allowed two minutes. I then nonchalantly glance over to count the number of pink lines (hopefully seeing TWO) then waalaa.............

I will know the answer to satisfy my curiosity and not tell Kim until she has made it safely to the airport ready to come home and the coast is clear.

It's full proof! (I concur)

Not that such a odd string of events would "accidentally" happen but stranger things have happened."


I Love the plan MEL!!!! THANKS!!! NOW it's time to execute ;o)

Belly rubbing and positive thoughts

Clay often tries to be a belly rubber. I really don't like it so he has learned not to do it. However, the past few days he has rubbed my belly a few times for "luck." He did it just about 4 minutes ago when I walked down the hallway. He gave me a hug (since I have a headache) and then he rubbed my belly. Right now it doesn't bother me.

After work today, I went to the grocery store with a headache and left with a bigger one. Go figure. While there I looked at the pregnancy tests. While they were on sale, I did NOT buy one. I have one left and I'm going to think positively and hold out for that ONE test. I've been debating with myself all day on whether I can talk Clay into letting me take it on Thursday or not.

Tick Tock...can I move the clock again?

Last night was daylight savings time. We got to spring the clocks forward one more hour. Yes, it was one less hour of sleep. Yes, it was one less hour to the weekend and one more hour closer to Monday morning and returning to work, but it's also one more hour closer to me testing. Last week the waiting was easy. I thought, "Well I waited more than a year to get to this point, what is two more weeks." However, something "clicked" this weekend and I'm tired of waiting. I know everything I hear in my Bible study is true (more on that in a minute) but I just wish I knew. One way or another. If I am pregnant than WHOO HOO! If not, the let's move on and get to the next step. I know that I already have another appointment scheduled for just two weeks from Tuesday. Let's take more meds. Let's produce more mature follicles and let's do it faster. Let's do it in 14 days not 16...heck let's try for 12 days. Why not? Can I just keep moving the clock an hour ahead. Just one hour a day? Maybe one hour every time I look at the clock? It would be time to test in no time. How about that? I just want an answer. It's the unknown that is the most scary. It's this final week that is getting to me. That looming test....waiting to see a pink line... having hope that for the first time in over a year there is a glimmer of hope, a normal 25% chance of fate that I could be pregnant, that it could have worked. Pretty scary really.

So tonight I turn to my Bible study pages. There have been a lot of thoughts to share but I haven't taken the time. I go on Tuesday nights and then blink 3 times and before I know it, it is Sunday night and I am once again behind and need to read. So, before I read tonight I thought I would blog about some of the things that I have written from the videos or have underlined in my book.... mostly on the theme of waiting, hoping, having faith, balancing passion and patience.

Scenario #6 from our book said "It's tough being a woman who can balance passion with patience."

The week before that session of study, I had written a post about waiting. I had shared my thoughts and ideas with my sister-in-law. I had several emails back and forth with her talking of the post and talking of waiting. In Bible study that week, the scenario above just hit the nail on the head. This past week, we revisited Scenario #6 to "turn it around." The video discussed that "in every wait there is a longing. Longing is part of the wait otherwise its just passing of time." Well, I am passing time with a deep/sincere/hopeful/(fill in any other word here) longing. I lost my train of thought as Clay and I just discussed we are out of milk since we didn't take the time to go to the grocery store this weekend. So of course, I will need to put on jeans again (I am in my pj pants) and go out into the wind to get milk. It is my responsibility (that reminds me of another scenario....but that's a different post.)

To wrap up. I will continue to wait patiently, well at least as patiently as I can. This week will come and go and the testing day will be here soon enough. I just wish I knew.

Birthday Blood

I had my blood drawn today. It was ordered to check on my Progesterone (approximately 1 week after ovulation). I went early and was in and out of the office quickly. I got the call back from the nurse this afternoon around 4. She said that she had good news (good deal cause it's my birthday and no one wants bad news on their birthday). She said my progesterone levels were good. They look for a level greater than 20 and mine was just fine. She said that my progesterone levels suggest I had a good ovulation and that I have a healthy enough lining to support implantation should my follicle be fertile (in other words if I conceived). I asked if the results were affected by the progesterone "inserts" that I have been using. She said no because when they are used vaginally its more a local result and doesn't enter your bloodstream. The blood test was all me and my hormone levels and not the creamy "inserts." WHOO HOO! She also said I am to test with my first morning urine on the 13th. That would be FRIDAY the 13th. Who would want to test on that day? I indicated I would be out of town (I will be at Laura's and unable to test), so I asked if I could test on Sunday or Monday. So, it will be Monday the 16th (which happens to be my father-in-law's birthday). I also talked a bit about the "messiness" of the Progesterone "inserts." I guess I will have to get used to it since IF I am prego then I will have to increase the "inserts" to 3x a day for the first 11-12 weeks... wow!
Anyways I thought I would share a bit about Progesterone for research sake....

What is Progesterone?
Progesterone is a hormone produced by the ovaries that helps prepare the uterus for pregnancy. It is first produced by the corpus luteum in the ovaries and later is maintained by the placenta. (The corpus luteum is what is left of the follicle in the ovary after ovulation.)

What does Progesterone do?

• Prepares the lining of the uterus for implantation.
• Keeps the lining of the uterus thick which is necessary for a successful pregnancy.
• Produces a rise in temperature after ovulation, which remains until menstruation occurs. (or remains through pregnancy)
  
• Creates a nutrient rich environment for the baby by increasing glycogen and arterial blood to the lining of the uterus.
• Keeps the uterus from having contractions.
• Causes the cervix to thicken and create a mucous plug which prevents bacteria from entering the uterus.

Now I just bide my time until a week from this coming Monday and hope that my father-in-law's birthday is just as lucky for me as my birthday was today.

"I feel pretty" remix

****TMI Warning****
Read with caution and a good sense of humor

For the last day or so I have had a song running through my head. It is "I feel pretty" from Westside Story. You know the one......I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright! Yes, that one, only my lyrics were a bit different due to my "medicine." So without further adu, please sing with me.....

I feel creamy,
Oh, so creamy,
I feel creamy and yellow and white!
And I pity
Adding another pill tonight.

It's alarming,
Oh, alarming
It's alarming how creamy I feel!
Oh so creamy
That I hardly can believe I'm real.

Now repeat the first verse over and over and try to shake it out of your head. That's how I spent my day.