Not sure this post will make any sense. I can't seem to find the right words to express it the way that I want.
I've been thinking of writing this post for days and this has been weighing on me a lot this past week. It's something I just can't stop thinking of so I thought I'd get it out there. It's the thought of conscious parenting. Parenting in a "fully active" mode and "fully aware of or sensitive to something."
It's something I noticed in the past, even sometimes before I was a parent. It's those types of parents or caregivers that never seem happy. They never seem to be in the moment with their kids. They just seem angry or frustrated all the time. Now don't get me wrong, I have my bad days. Those days where I just want my alone time or I want Kenley to just take a long nap or play by herself but what I mean by "conscious parenting" is not letting those days get to me and definitely not letting it reflect on my behavior or interaction with my daughter. She didn't do anything wrong and she's too young to understand, so I take a deep breath and think about the little things I enjoy with her and it makes it better. I try to enjoy each and every moment I have cause she seems to be growing up so fast.
What I wonder though is if those parents who don't seem to be in the moment, realize it. Are they conscious of their actions? Of the impact even the smallest interaction or simple word can have on their little one? Do they regret their actions after the fact?
For example, the other day, I read this on a co-workers FB page. "Saddest thing I've heard this week (and that's saying a lot with the 9-11 focus): "Good luck with your teachers today. They'll treat you better than I do." I think it is safe to say we've all had "those days" where you're considering a Craig's list ad for your offspring, but we need to think before we speak. The look on that little girl's face was heart-breaking." Now I have a fondness for teachers. I agree that teachers often can be a child's 2nd mom or a safehaven of love and support but as a mom I would never even think to say that. Granted I've only been a mom for a little under 21 months but really? Was she kidding? Was it a joke she was trying to be funny. I assume not based on the implied age of the child. What may be a joke to let's say a sassy teenage girl is completely different on a small innocent little girl who's favorite person in the world is likely her mommy or daddy.
Earlier this week I had a moment. We were running late in the morning and Kenley refused to cooperate with brushing her teeth and then continued to frustrate me when she wouldn't sit still for her piggies. I was on the verge of snapping and my frustration came out in my tone enough to make Kenley fuss and cry. I was immediately ridden with guilt. I took a deep breath, said I was sorry, gave her a hug and a kiss and wished I could take it back. Since then (and after reading that FB post) I have tried my best to be active in every moment whether its the 100th game of hide and seek we play before dinner or reading the same book for the 15th time. I see the joy in her face and the happiness when she screams "again" in delight and I know that I'm in the moment. I'm making the most of the short time she will be a little girl. I'm doing my best to show her all the love I have to give and how much she means to me. It's times like that I also say a little prayer that I can continue to parent this way thru the years ahead. That I won't have any more of those "snap" moments. Now I know that's probably unrealistic but I vow to try and if they do arise, I hope I can recognize them, take a deep breath, say I'm sorry, give her a hug and make it all better cuz you can't take those moments back. They are forever and that hurts.
Okay so this rambled a bit and probably made absolutely no sense but I want to leave you with this...it's a request. If you ever hear or see me in one of those moments.. where I seem to be angry or too frustrated or just unhappy to be, please remind me to take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. Remind me that she will grow up too fast and years from now when she is grown and out of the house, I will miss this. After all, love conquers and she is worth it even on the darkest of days she is my ray of sun and she deserves a "conscious parent" to take it all in!
3 comments:
Great post, Kim. I know I have had a lot of those rough days lately where I am easily frustrated. I think we could all use this reminder from time to time!
Or it be the 100th time that she says bunny and wants to watch that video, It does make her happy. :)
Great post. I love how you parent. As a preschool teacher, i try to always remember how little my kids are and how I want to make each day so special and happy for them. Like parenting in a way. I am also trying to make every moment with Tizita count and be special, too. One day all she wanted was to polish my fingernails, but I didn't want to take the time to remove the red polish after she left, so I said, "NO." I felt bad about that and wished so much that I would have let her polish my nails.
I did snap with Alissa once and I still remember it to this day and so does she. She was four and she refused to wear her sister's hand me downs, I lost it. Funny now, but not one of my better parenting moments, but you know Alissa, she does things on her own terms and she did wear those clothes when she was ready! Happy parenting to you and Clay!
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