My Christmas Story

Waring: due to the graphic nature of some material in this post, it may be unsuitable for some readers ;o)

My Christmas story begins yesterday on Christmas Eve. My elevated temp had dropped below 98 since it had risen 8 or 9 days before. I was discouraged but optimistic that it would sneak back up above 98 on Christmas day to keep the hope alive. I was expecting my period on or around Monday Dec 29th if my temps stayed elevated. That would be 14 days of elevated temps and I figured a "normal" cycle was 28 days and if you ovulate in the middle on day 14 and have elevated temps after you ovulate, then the 29th it should be.

Adding to my story, Clay and I traveled to Decatur yesterday for Christmas Eve. On the way and sort of out of the blue (as it wasn't the current topic of conversation) he says, "Maybe you could pee on a stick tomorrow."
"Why?" I asked.
"Cause it's Christmas!"
"Hmm.. hadn't planned on it since I will next week for New Years and my temps haven't been elevated the full time yet. (I then told him the expected 12/29 deadline.) However, thinking about it longer today would only be 4 days early and I think a lot of those pregnancy test boxes say "Find out 5 days before your missed period."

So on the way back from Decatur, Clay and I went to the beautiful Christmas Eve service at church. Prior to church I had to pee like a race horse so we made a pit stop. In the bathroom, I found myself wiping a few times. I could have sworn the toilet paper was a bit pink. I chalked it up to my mind playing tricks on me given the cheap one ply stuff that passes as "toilet paper" in some cases. It was probably just my flesh colored finger showing through.

Then in church, during our silent time for prayer I found myself thinking about the possibility of getting my period. Would I be happy? Or would I be sad as its one more month, not preg? Happy because the hope is alive and my body CAN naturally have a cycle of its own? I teetered back and forth in my conversation with God during that time but quickly had to wrap up my thoughts and move on.

So I went to bed last night in my new PJs debating whether to take a test today or not. (Sidebar: Does any else see the contradiction to a previous post where Clay didn't want me to pee on a stick? He thought I was wasting them....and they say women can't make up their minds.)

Then this morning, my phone "bing-bonged" (sound it makes for a text) at 545am. I had not been planning on getting up that early but the phone woke me (and Clay). So I decide I have to pee and it was now or never for that stupid stick. As a bonus, I grabbed the thermometer so I could multi-task and take my temperature too. (Although if I abided by the temperature taking rules I broke about 3 of them.)

Graphic material ahead......So, I go to the bathroom, grab my SpongeBob Square Pants cup, and take a seat. I stick the beeping thermometer in my mouth and the cup in my hand. I proceeded to pee on my hand like normal. FUN STUFF! After placing the cup on the counter, I decided to follow some of the temperature guidelines and remained still while it finished taking my reading. After what seemed like forever it beeped.......

97.29?!?@#@$!$ WHAT? ARE YOU F-IN KIDDING ME? It's back down like normal... ugh! Then I took my wonderful two ply Quilted Northern goodness to wipe and..... RED. Not pink, not the flesh toned skin showing through but real honest red and blood of a a PERIOD.

Yep, I got my period for CHRISTMAS ;o) Just what I wanted!!! Does anyone have a tampon?

But this is not where my story ends. I heard Clay in the hall after this discovery. I ran in the hall proclaiming I didn't have to pee on a stick. Now at 550am in the morning, your husband will just stare at you if you yell that at him. Then I proceeded to explain that I think I got my period. He kind of laughed (one of those happy you gotta be kidding me laughs) and so did I. I gave him a hug and he said "I guess that means NO"..... I answered, "Well, Yes it means NO I am NOT pregnant but it does mean the meds are working and that I can have a cycle on my own and the hope of actually conceiving is alive and well." (or something like that.) Then he gave me another hug and said, "It's a Christmas Miracle." (HA! Cheesy and corny but a wee bit true)

So now Clay is in the kitchen making blueberry pancakes for breakfast and I am wrapping up a wonderful post about the excitement and 2nd best Christmas present I could have asked for. (The best would have been the other direction with the stick) I will have to see how "heavy" it is. I have never had much of a cycle in the past and the fake cycles on Provera where even more of a joke and super light, so let's see what I can muster on my own. THIS is MY first official cycle since I was a teenager. No help, no drugs, no induction. (Okay a little help from drugs but in an indirect way.)

So now the counting begins again. Today changed from day 54 to a NEW DAY 1.
A prayer has been answered and that wish I wrote on the Christmas counter so long ago, is here and right on time. Right for Christmas! Merry Christmas!!!!

Smooth sailing....

Time has just been sailing by and I haven't posted. I have had things cross my mind that I want to post about but didn't get to the computer to get them out. I wanted to give a small update. My temps are still elevated ;o) I thought I jinxed it the other day when I posted as the next day my temp went down to 97.something or other, but the next day it was back above 98 and although yesterday was 98.01, today was 98.4ish so I'm hanging in there. How many days do you think it has to be elevated before I can expect my period? I would venture a guess of approximately 14 (if I had a perfect cycle). I just had day 8 this morning, so although it doesn't look like I'll get my Christmas wish for a cycle, maybe I'll have one before the new year! (Day 14 would be 12/29ish)

On a different note, Clay and I went to the children's program at church this past Sunday. I tried my hardest not to but I ended up crying a little bit. I tend to be emotional and then you get me in church with kids and music and the flood gates open. Now I wasn't crying to the point that I was sobbing, just a few tears down my cheek and a small sniffle or two. I wonder if Clay even noticed? Why did I cry? I would assume its because those kids were just too darn cute and I can't wait for the day that I have a small munchkin up there singing their little heart out.

And I know the Christmas counter has been wrong this whole time. Its just obvious now since it says 0 days until Christmas and its only the 23rd. So, I'll take it off in a few days.

I swear I had more to write about but it seems to escape me right now.

Elevated (part 2)

So, something has to be going on. For the past 3 days, my temp has been elevated, and I mean elevated more than the first post. Today my temp was 98.8 and it has been over 98 for the past 3 days. Online it says that if you follow a "textbook" cycle with your temps then you will be below 98 prior to ovulation and over 98 after ovulation. I have not had a temperature above 98 since the fake cycle of Provera I did in early November. So I am anxiously awaiting taking my daily temperature in the mornings. I keep hoping for temps over 98 (at least for the next few days) and then a nice Christmas present that would require getting out the box of Tampons. Oh I hope!

There are other signs too. Well maybe they aren't true signs but I'm reading them as signs. The "girls" are tender and a bit sore right now, which I think is a good sign and I think I had some cramps on Saturday/Sunday. Not sure if they were cramps since I haven't had cramps in so long, but let's call them cramps and keep the hope.

What's another 30 days?

Clay signed us up for the Biggest Loser Club to try to lose some weight and get back in shape. It's a hard time to do it given the holidays but he did it anyway. I got to thinking that maybe I should take a month off from the "TTC" (trying to conceive) game and just see if I can lose a few pounds. After all, what is another 30 days at this point?
I was thinking I could go ahead and call the doctor for another round of Provera now and then waiting the 30 days to request another in late January. This would give us ample time to have the infertility paperwork submitted and approved as well as get Clay tested without being on edge and craving the Clomid. Then I would have January and some of February to get back in the habit of working out and eating healthy. I figure whatever weight I lose I will gain back when I do get pregnant so maybe that would give me a leg up. Plus maybe losing a few pounds will help out the PCOS condition and the hormones. Maybe even 60 days and then we would do the Clomid toward the middle of Feb. 60 days from tomorrow is Valentine's Day (roughly) and really it will be here before I know it. Just something to think about......

Another wasted stick,

enough said.

It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace....

I saw this video on a different blog and it really spoke to me today. Just wanted to share. I really like the lyrics. I watched the video a few times to catch all the words and then I found out it is a song by one of my favorite bands Sanctus Real . I want to give a shout out to Liz for helping me figure out how to embed the video for my blog. Thanks Liz!