Disobeying the doctor and feeling STUCK

As I may have mentioned in a prior post, I was supposed to start using the Prometrium on Sunday 04/05/09. I haven't been and I really have no desire to. I used one yesterday morning, but most of it came out. I used one this morning too but almost wish I hadn't. The only reason I seem to be attempting to use them is because when I don't then I feel like I am disobeying the doctor and the guilt gets me. He is the doctor and he knows what to do. He has been doing this for years. He is educated and concerned for me. He shows a passion and a sincerity and his goals are my goals, but I just don't feel like using them. I feel stuck this month. With the day 15 sono results being so uncertain. I wish we would have done an additional sono on day 17 or even 19 to see if the follicle was bigger or smaller (my guess would be bigger and that my body was just going super slow this month.) I don't want to disobey but I don't feel anything this month except STUCK. Even time is standing still. That first cycle went so quickly. I felt like the days just flew. This one is stuck on slowpoke mode. It hasn't even been a week since that sono and I feel like it's been AGES. How much slower can the time move? Maybe it's all because I don't have any more appointments set. I don't have anything to look forward to. The only thing on the horizon is a home pregnancy test that will yet again be negative. I truly am STUCK. I am supposed to test on the 16th. Would it hurt if I waited even longer? Day 30 just feels too early. I guess it's like the nurse said...."It's just a shot in the dark" this month. Now she was talking about bloodwork but I feel that way about the bigger picture this month. I wish I could just fast forward the clock to next month and try again. I don't like feeling stuck in a cycle where nothing is happening.