Decisions to make

The past year was full of decisions I couldn't make. I wanted desperately to get pregnant but it was not my decision. Faced with PCOS and the lack of ovulation, I waited. Impatient at times but recently peacefully patient. Now is the time to file that infertility paperwork but I'm stalling. My Christmas miracle of a cycle has me in a pickle. Can I conceive on my own? Is it finally in the G-man's plan that I don't need medical interference? I called the doctor today for them to send in the referral for infertility treatments. They also want Clay to get tested. We will be calling them and setting up a time to do that in the next few weeks (pending how the temperatures go this week and next.) But I have to call the doctor back and let her know if I am ready to do the Clomid or if I want an immediate referral to Dr. Jarrett the reproductive endocrinologist. She indicated he would be more aggressive and hands on. But should I give my fighting body a chance now that it has finally stepped into the ring for the fight? I briefly talked to Clay. While we agreed to see what happens in January and see if I have another cycle on my own, (See what happens on my expected days 11, 13, 15, and 17 (well 16 and 18 since I'll be out of town on day 17) I am torn. The time is finally here. The time when the doctors can "make it happen" and I'm torn. I'm stalling. Wondering if I gave myself a month, two, maybe even three.... could I do it on my own naturally? Dr. Jarrett is only in town once every three months (it changed since they last told me he was in town every month but that is a different story.) DO I ask for the direct referral to him and then just make an appointment for March and take it one day at a time until then or do I do Clomid in February and hope the first round takes..... It seems like there is a pot full of decisions or possibilities at this point and it's almost overwhelming. On Scrubs, JD and Kim try to flip a coin when faced with an unexpected pregnancy. In the end they have to do what their hearts tell them. What is my heart saying? Right now it just wants to wait. To let the natural plan unfold. It will happen when it happens and I think its going to be soon. (At least I hope with every fiber of my body and my heart.) January will go super fast as I am sure February will too (after all its a short month). Maybe I will call tomorrow and just say I want the referral for Dr. Jarrett and make my appointment for March. I just am so uncertain about how to proceed even though I KNOW so clearly what I want.